By Rabbi Tori Greene
When working with folks in recovery, many questions come up around how they build and reestablish trust with loved ones whom their addiction has led them to burn in some way. Especially as they navigate recovery, I hear from my residents that they’ll tell their loved ones “this time is different” or “here’s who I am now,” and their loved ones don’t necessarily believe them right from the start.
At this point, pause and answer the following questions:
- Who was I before coming into recovery?
- Who am I at this moment?
- Who do I want to be known as?
What’s underneath these questions isn’t just behavior change; it’s identity. Recovery asks: Can I be known differently than I was before? And if I say I’ve changed, why should anyone believe me?
These are not new questions. In fact, they sit at the heart of one of the most charged moments in the Torah: when God introduces Themselves to Moshe.
When God first approached Moshe to command him to free the Jewish people from Egypt, God revealed Themselves to Moses with a different name than God had revealed Themselves to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
The Torah itself is deeply aware of the gap between who someone claims to be and how others experience them over time.
God spoke to Moses and said to him, “I am GOD. I appeared to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob as E-L Shaddai, but I did not make Myself known to them by My name GOD.
At this point, pause and answer the following questions:
- What is God saying to Moses?
- Why might God be introducing Themselves differently?
- When you meet people, what parts of yourself do you reveal, and what do you conceal?
Rashi, an 11th century scholar and Biblical commentator, explained it wasn’t that God wasn’t always the ineffable name, but God was only known by Abraham, Isaac and Jacob as El Shaddai, because God couldn’t keep up on God’s promises in their lifetime.
i. e. I [God] was not recognized by them in My attribute of “keeping faith,” by reason of which My name is called Hashem, which denotes that I am certain. (Rashi on Exodus 6:3)
Rashi completely reframed the problem for us. God didn’t change God’s names because God changed; rather, the people’s experience of God had not caught up to God’s promises. Trust, in this text, is not about intention or truth; it’s about consistency and timing.
Now consider:
- How does the understanding of the verse and relationships between God and the patriarchs change if we read the text as “I was not known to them” versus “I did not make myself known to them”?
- How do we establish trust, especially when promises haven’t been kept in the past? Especially, when the people who knew us before recovery might not know us as we are now?
- Does Rashi change your answer to question 3 above? How?
This tension of being known as one thing (perhaps as an addict who can’t keep their promises and has burned bridges) while yearning to be known as another is deeply familiar to people in recovery. Just like the insights Rashi offers, it might not be enough to simply declare who we are now. Trust is built over time, when others are able to encounter us consistently in that new name.
Recovery, then, is not about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to our truest selves and allowing others the time and space to learn our new name.
Tori Greene is an explorer, community builder, innovator, and collaborator. She has led 13 Birthright trips, headed the first-ever Moishe Pod and launched the Miami hub for OneTable. As a passionate educator for all things Israel and Jewish, she’s launched an Instagram page with the hope of being a strong voice for liberal Zionism. You can follow her at @DivreiTori.
Currently pursuing rabbinical ordination with a dual master’s in nonprofit management and Hebrew letters at Hebrew Union College, she reenvisions the Jewish nonprofit sector as a laboratory for purpose-driven community formation and the exploration of ethical business practices rooted in the wisdom of our tradition.