One of the most important ways to offer support to those impacted by the loss is to simply be present. For professionals, this may take a number of forms, including sending a note or making a call upon hearing of the death in order to offer concrete support services, or attending the funeral, or making a shiva call to visit the home of the mourners. Using the customs of visiting a house of mourning, we can see how our first job in the wake of a traumatic death is to offer our focused presence.
- It is custom in Jewish tradition not to greet the mourners directly in a shiva house. The one/s attempting to offer comfort by making a visit to the mourners may take a seat near the mourner and wait for the mourner to begin speaking. All we are expected to do is to be present for the mourner/s.
- YOU ARE NOT ALONE: Upon leaving a house of mourning, Jewish wisdom teaches that the one visiting the mourners says the following words, traditional among families from Ashkenazi backgrounds: HaMakom yinachem etchem b’toch sha’ar avlei tzion v’Yerushalayim…may God comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem – among the other mourners – signaling to the mourner that they are not alone in their experience of grief. (Sephardic custom offers: min hashamayim tenachumu – from the heavens, may you (plural) be comforted.)
We also have a version of this guide for individuals. Please check out “A Jewish Guide to Supporting Individuals Through Traumatic Death” in our resource library here.
The mission of Shomer Collective is to improve end-of-life experiences for individuals and their families— inspired by Jewish wisdom, values, and practices—by curating content and resources and building a diverse network of organizational partners.