October 7th – The Jewish Collective Trauma Response

We are obsessed with meaning but at our core, we want to survive. And when our very existence is threatened, as it is now for Jews around the world, we experience trauma.

Psychologists have identified five stages of grief people experience after a loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (3). The process of cycling through these stages is not linear, and many of us are going through all of these stages as we try to wrap our heads around something truly unfathomable. The feeling of denial is described as feeling numb and carrying on as if nothing has happened. This is a normal part of grieving and that much more so for such large-scale grief. What these five stages do not encompass is how people cycle through massive population-level losses — traumatic loss — like the one we are experiencing now. A different model for grief is the “dual-process model,” in which an individual fluctuates between a “loss orientation,” where the griever focuses on emotion-centered coping and a “restoration orientation,” where the individual focuses on problem-solving (4). In the Jewish community, I think many of us are fluctuating between loss and restoration orientations rapidly, and our bodies and minds are overwhelmed and confused. How can we experience loss while also feeling isolated and confused by our tragic loss? While the leaders of the Western world are denouncing what occurred in Israel, many civilians are turning a blind eye. They’re using this as an excuse to show their antisemitism or are using our pain as an opportunity to criticize Israel. In a moment of absolute horror, in which more Jews were killed in one day since the Holocaust, the world’s voices are muffled at best. I believe that psychologically this will keep us stuck in the denial stage of grief for longer. Validation is necessary to feel safe in your pain, but the world is not doing enough to validate the pain that Jewish people are experiencing.

For some Jews, Israel is literally home. For others it is a place of religious and spiritual significance, or it’s a place where you have tons of family and friends, or it is where we have traveled to learn more about our Jewish identity. No matter where you fall in that spectrum, for Jews outside of Israel, as my friend Ariella Newberger so eloquently said, “Israel is a psychological concept that we need to survive.” It’s a concept we are also very lucky to have as a reality, as many previous generations did not have the gift of a modern Jewish state they could run to in their time of need. We rely on this concept for psychological safety, even if it’s only at the back of our mind. It helps us know we have somewhere to run if antisemitism rises yet again. When that is harmed, not only are we devastated by the loss of life, but our own sense of safety and security has been shattered. It is terrifying, jarring and deeply isolating. Abraham Maslow famously said we must have our basic needs met to access our higher-level needs (5). We must first have our physical needs met, then safety needs, then love and belonging, then self-esteem and finally self-actualization. The safety needs for Jews around the world have been threatened, so we cannot experience belonging and love right now. We are in an activated state where we are scared for our survival. The layers of trauma we are experiencing right now is not normal for our nervous system to endure. Our physiology is tied to what our minds see. Our stress hormones are chronically activated when we interpret the world as unsafe; and right now, the world doesn’t feel safe as a Jew.

I don’t have the answers for how or even if we will be okay. Right now, all we can do is sit with the pain and be honest about how we are doing. We are not okay. We need the world to do more. We need to mourn and cry and take care of ourselves. We need support from non-Jews, so we know people outside of our community care about our safety. And yet we don’t have time for any of this healing. Life moves on rapidly. Jews are expected to continue going to work and compartmentalize this tragedy; Israelis are expected to fight a war while their people are in mourning; and the fight component of the fight-or-flight response must be activated if we want our Jewish identity to live on. We are in a moment of absolute crisis, and we are not okay. Amidst the crisis, know that as your fellow Jew, I am metaphorically holding your hand. We as Jews are each experiencing this trauma in our own unique ways, but we are not alone. We are in agonizing pain, and we can’t even begin to think about healing. We are, sadly, another generation of Jews subjected to the trauma of antisemitism, hate, violence and death. As a psychology student, I have learned to tolerate ending therapy sessions without answers, without closure. So, too, do I end this article without answers, guidance or direction.