By Max Hollander
The High Holiday season is a period of rapid transition. We move from periods of normalcy to periods of relaxation to periods of intense spirituality as well as ritual and familial responsibilities like long prayer services, fasting, meals and community gatherings. It offers a marathon of meaning, connection and community — but also one of emotional, physical, and spiritual stress and disorientation.
Thankfully, Elul, the Hebrew month leading up to the season, has additional services like Selichot, a collection of penitential prayers recited throughout the month, and daily insertions into regular services such as blowing the shofar every morning during shacharit (morning service) and reciting Psalm 27 at the end of every shacharit and ma’ariv (evening service). These unique practices can give Jews a running start into the emotional and spiritual intensity of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah.
While meaningful, however, by the end of the season’s festivities, after we put the machzorim (Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur prayer books) and sukkot away, returning to normal life can feel daunting. Jewish tradition offers a plethora of opportunities and rituals to acclimate to the High Holiday season, but we lack a detailed path back to our regular routines.
Havdalah is the traditional ceremony that marks the end of Shabbat and acts as a transition into the week ahead. Consider the following 3 steps or actions you can take to serve as a “Havdalah” practice that helps you transition from the hustle and bustle of the season into regular life.
1. Relax
Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsch writes about the unique nature of Cheshvan, the Hebrew month following Tishrei, drawing his interpretation of the goal of the month from a reading of what the word “Cheshvan” (also called MarCheshvan) means.
The root syllable chashu itself indicates silence and quiet. This is the characteristic of the month of Cheshvan, which directly follows the festive celebrations of the month of Tishrei. Cheshvan, in contrast to Tishrei, gives an impression of stillness and entrance into quiet, private life. A Jew has to serve Hashem well in his quiet, private life.
After the holidays, people who were particularly inspired by their experiences might feel inclined to jump right back into our day-to-day lives and hit the ground running in the new year. But the disorientation that can come from jumping from one reality into another can be damaging. In Rabbi Hirsch’s interpretation of Cheshvan, we see the divinely mandated need for a pause to relax, be mindful of our individual capacities and ease into the world we want to build for ourselves in the new year. Integrate time to reorient yourself as you start the new year. Take a relaxed step into the new year by making sure your mind, body and physical space around you are ready. Clean up your house. Restock your cabinets. Reconnect with loved ones. Take a moment to breathe. Our new lives have only just begun, and we have time to make the most of it in a healthy and productive way.
2. Reflect
Despite the need for a break between the High Holidays and the rest of the year, the holidays ultimately are supposed to help us establish our goals and focus our energies on making the new year better than the last. That kind of change requires planning, however. In the quiet of Cheshvan, take some time to make those plans. You can make a vision board, write in a journal, or chat with friends or mentors to help you through this step and start the year off on the right food. Consider using our Cheshbon HaNefesh resource for a step-by-step guide on making an ”accounting of the soul” to help you set goals for yourself and break them down into achievable steps.
There is no replacement for being prepared when we are trying to do something new and enter a new sphere of life. Doing so is the only way we can make the most of the growth and inspiration we’ve achieved over the course of the season.
MarCheshvan has no other message for us except that after a month of such an abundance of special days, we should start out on the everyday path of Jewish life. However, it is the routine of everyday life which reflects our true existence preceding and following those festivities from which they receive their value and significance.
3. Reframe
Our new year has really just begun, and beginnings can be tricky. Try to reframe your experiences in light of that fact. Be kind to yourself as you reflect on your past year. Be patient with yourself as you become the person you want to be in the time it takes you. Life isn’t going to be what you pictured at Neilah (the closing service of Yom Kippur), because change takes time.
Change occurs in many ways. Sometimes it is fast, sometimes it can be slow. Sometimes it is our present that holds us back. Sometimes it is our future. If we are ever to apprehend the changes we want, the first thing we may need to change is our collective conceptions of change itself.
In his seminal work, Halachic Man, Rabbi Joseph Dov Solovetichik reflects on the recreation of the self through Teshuvah as being our human replication of the divine act of creation. But, in the same way God took six days to create the world, it may take time for us to recreate ourselves. Recognize that taking time to make changes is to be expected and healthy.
May you feel grounded as you relax, reflect and reframe during the transition into the new year.